Creating Routines as Neurodivergent Unschooling Families
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How can unschooling families who live with neurological disorders create and maintain routine?
Choosing unschooling or self-directed education, even when it’s the right choice, doesn’t mean it’s all easy peasy lemons. The best choices in life are often intertwined with infinite difficulty. It’s a different kind of difficulty, one that we welcome because it’s actively chosen. Anything worthwhile will be difficult. Our power is in our response. For neurodivergent families or neurodivergent learners, however, the response is itself what becomes ridiculously challenging.
One hurdle I’ve seen many unschooling and self-directed families struggle with is how to create routine. For those of us with neurological disorders, especially, the task of creating and maintaining structure is daunting. I am a self-directed educator and learner and I struggle with a handful of neurological disorders, so I have faced this particular hurdle of establishing and sticking to routine (while neurodivergent) personally and as a support for others.
This post is meant to recognize the inherent struggle of finding an unschooling or self-directed education routine with a brain disorder, and to offer concrete suggestions for how to respond best. Before I begin, I should add that unschooling and self-directed education both offer an open door policy to giving both middle fingers to routine. Families and learners can opt for a structure-free way of living. When it works for them, it works. This post was written for all of those who, like myself, find themselves at a crossroads of wanting flexibility and consistency.
A group of guardians are sitting in a circle in a church basement, meeting as a support group for neurodivergent unschooling families. One mom chimes in, revealing her preference for a loose routine that allows for spontaneity and the pursuit of unexpected opportunities. Another mom, with an autistic teenage daughter, challenges the notion that routine works for everyone, emphasizing the need for figuring out what’s best for that particular child. “Not all autistic people need structure, even if that is what the professionals keep saying. Everyone is different. It takes courage to say no to one-size-fits-all prescriptions, but you know what’s ultimately best for your family. Routine-related anxiety can escalate what already feels wrong. And for what? Because some guy in some suit says so? Figure out the specific magic potion your lives require, and follow that.”
But how do we figure out what works? The story continues. I include summarized tips at the end of the post.
One father shares a story of how stumbling onto an arts and crafts event at their local library turned into a meaningful experience shining the importance of embracing the unplanned. He shares a photo of a dinosaur that his son drew at the event, extending his arm to show his phone to all the other parents. He smiles and his crows’ feet become contagious across the circle. Yet, he expresses solemnly how there is an internal struggle that persists as societal expectations and internalized guilt clash with the reality that his child is thriving in the absence of a rigid routine.
Two AI-generated images of a father and his young son sitting at a library table doing arts and crafts. The father is looking at the camera and the son is looking at his father. They are both smiling. On the left, the image is a brightly-colored drawing. On the right, the image looks more like a photo.
A mom that has been quiet reaches in her bag and pulls out a notebook. She explains how her children’s homeschooling week, outlined on paper, allows for flexibility, enabling detours into computer science or field trips, or whatever else, needed to accommodate life's unpredictable demands. This mom shares her journey from initial resistance to routine to crafting a weekly schedule that brings predictability without sacrificing flexibility. She describes how her ADHD made it difficult to remember to do things when they were supposed to happen. She says it took her years to find a flow, but offers hope to the rest of the group. Now, her family follows a set of specific weekly activities, from hiking to kickboxing to restful homeschool days, offering a glimpse into how a carefully curated routine can become a lifeline, especially during challenging times. “This notebook, and the schedules it contains, keep us grounded. I’m very grateful.”
What happened in this hypothetical church basement support group sends a clear message. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to routine in neurodivergent families. We must all forge a path that works for our unique learners’ needs and our unique family’s reality.
If you or your learner could benefit from 1-on-1 self-directed education guidance, email dom@offdabeatenpath.com
Are you homeschooling someone who is neurodivergent? Are you homeschooling while being neurodivergent yourself? Want community & a library of resources, webinars with special guests, community calls in real time and recorded, templates, infographics, curriculum, and a book?
Neurodivergent Homeschooling, a community chock-full of resources for families & educators who homeschool neurodivergent youth and children. ✨ Join us! ✨
TIPS:
Make time for solace in your structure.
Technology is there to support your drive for structure, not to be the arbitrary enforcer. Choose tools that help not harm. That could be a notebook or it could be digital. It could be any technology that helps.
Shed societal expectations, which is especially hard when mixed with internalized ableism. Do your best.
Keenly observe causes of distress. Explicitly take note. Reflect on how to replace those root causes with other healthier roots.
Observe what causes joy and positive growth.
Esure you celebrate those moments! It does not matter how small it may seem. Celebrate, throw your hands in the air, exclaim your happiness, design an award, wear a sash and a tiara, throw a party!
Listen to your instincts.
More importantly, listen to your children.
