Peter Gray Said Quitting is Our Right: A Response From an Educator & School Dropout

People often associate quitting with negativity and failure. Psychology research professor, Dr. Peter Gray, challenges this notion and presents quitting as a fundamental right that can have profound positive impacts on our lives. Here, I respond to his August 2023 article.

Contrary to popular belief, quitting can be a manifestation of true leadership. Leaders have the courage to recognize when a particular path is no longer aligned with their goals or values. By quitting, they create space for new opportunities and focus their efforts on endeavors that truly matter to them. Embracing the right to quit allows individuals to lead with authenticity and integrity. When I dropped out of high school and city college, I was rejecting systems that did not work for me in order to make space for what was compatible. I ended up getting my Bachelor’s of Arts after nine long years of study and then earned my Master’s in two years that felt significantly faster.

Quitting is often a difficult decision. It requires individuals to assess their circumstances objectively and determine when it is time to move on. It requires the ability to discern the worthiness of something or someone. (Reminder: Worthiness is subjective.) The practice of quitting can demonstrate the development of strong decision-making as it necessitates weighing the pros and cons, considering long-term consequences, and evaluating personal happiness and well-being. By embracing quitting as a potentially positive characteristic, we empower ourselves to make tough choices that ultimately lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

When we recognize the value of our own time, energy, and happiness, we develop a deep sense of self-respect. Through quitting, we demonstrate that we are willing to prioritize our own well-being and pursue paths that align with our true passions and values. This act of self-empowerment and self-care bolsters our confidence, allowing us to navigate life with a stronger sense of purpose and direction.

The right to quit empowers individuals with a sense of agency, reminding us that we have control over our own lives and choices. It emphasizes the importance of autonomy and personal agency. By recognizing our right to quit, we break free from societal expectations or obligations that may limit our growth and potential. This sense of agency enables us to actively shape our lives according to our own desires, leading to greater fulfillment and overall well-being.

Access to quitting is a marker of justice. In his article, Gray names quitting as an essential element in fair play. He also names quitting as a distinguishing feature between employment and slavery. I agree with both points, but there is another point, closely related, that he fails to mention. Race, class, sexuality, gender, ability, and other types of identity arbitrarily determine who can quit, what they can quit, how, etc. With more marginalized identities, the more likelihood of feeling like you cannot quit or simply not being able to.

A single mom wants to quit her job so she can focus on looking for virtual income to stay at home and homeschool her children. If she quits her job, she risks hunger and homelessness. This risks the safety of her family. If she keeps her job, she risks her children’s mental health and academic competence. Though this also risks the safety of her child, it is a less immediate threat. Many mothers are in this exact situation, and are choosing to keep their jobs.

The son of bankers wants to quit his job so he can focus on starting his business. If he quits his job, he may risk having to borrow money from his banker parents.

A trans woman wants to end her relationship. Because of transphobia, she recently lost her job, so she is dependent on her partner for income and housing. The LGBTQ+ community, especially its youth, is a population at higher risk for homelessness and suicide than their cishetero counterparts.

The act of quitting can have a profoundly positive impact on one's confidence whereas the feeling of not being able to quit can have devastating consequences.

Steven Bartlett speaks on “being incapable of doing what you do not like.”

Original Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRjxd2VHavY&ab_channel=DeepDivewithAliAbdaal

I will quote directly from Gray’s article about what happens when you feel like you cannot quit, when you feel like you have no choice.

For some children, the only out—the only real way to quit—is suicide. As writer Helen Smith put it in her book, The Scarred Heart, in describing the suicide of a 13-year-old girl who had been regularly bullied in school: “After missing fifty-three out of the required one hundred and eighty days of school, she was told that she would have to return to school or appear before a truancy board which could then send her to a juvenile detention center. She decided the better alternative was to go into her bedroom and hang herself with a belt. ... In times past, she could have just dropped out of school, but now kids like her are trapped by compulsory education." … Nobody has found a way to solve these problems, and nobody ever will until we grant children the freedom to quit. The only way to solve these problems, ultimately, is to do away with the coercion.

In contrast, but on a related note, I will share how quitting school saved my life. I have been an educator for almost fourteen years, and all that began with my decision to drop out of high school. When I entered the world of alternative education in 2010, I had been recently hospitalized for the first time in a psychiatric unit and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. I did not go outside, answer the phone, or drink water. My days consisted of diet coke and sitcoms and were wholly devoid of showers. I wanted nothing more than to go to school and work, but I could not understand how to show up suicidal. I failed to see the myriad of options that existed in between “go to school” or “die.” That point of conflict tore me apart for many years. I finally decided to quit high school as a 13th grader, and it is, to this day, hands down, the best decision I’ve ever made.

Quitting is sometimes associated with problems with focus and concentration. For if someone cannot stick to something, invariably they are likely to give it up. That said, quitting can be a positive characteristic so long as you wield its power for purpose and passion. People who know when to quit are also those who find themselves in positions of leadership, difficult decision-making, confidence building, and understanding how to use their sense of agency.

By embracing the right to quit, we unlock the potential for personal growth, leadership, and confident decision-making. Quitting allows us to prioritize our own well-being while cultivating a sense of agency over our lives. So, let us redefine quitting as an act of courage, self-awareness, and empowerment, embracing its positive attributes and fostering a path to a more fulfilling and authentic life.